Poor Thor
by incrediblectopus
Summary: Thor has decided to stay on Earth, where he has discovered hockey. Captain America and Tony are getting busy in the closet. Clint and Natasha are doing things I prefer not to think about. Bruce is experimenting with gamma radiation again. What happens when Thor doesn't see the Do Not Disturb sign on Bruce's lab? Will probably change to M someday. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

It was several days after the whole Loki incident had ended, and Thor had decided to stay on Earth, for reasons known only to him, me, and soon you. He had his own rooms in the Avengers headquarters, and life was good. He enjoyed the food, and had discovered the wonders of football and hockey, which I know nothing about, so don't ask me. Anyway, he loved them. The other Avengers were always off doing their own thing. For example, Black Widow (a.k.a. Natasha), and Hawkeye (a.k.a. Clint), who were busy going on super secret spy missions and probably having a lot of sex. Then there was Bruce (a.k.a. The Hulk) who was bottled up in his lab being a nerd. Captain America and Tony were most likely avoiding each other and pretending that they hadn't fallen completely in love. Can you say denial. I can say it. It's a pretty easy word, just three syllables. You should try it. Denial. Denial. Denial. Captain America and Tony are in denial. Denial.

So back to Thor. He was getting bored with food and football, so he went to visit Bruce. He, unfortunately, was unaware that Bruce was experimenting with huge amounts of gamma radiation. Enough to kill your average human three times over. Fortunately, Thor is not your average human, so it was only enough to kill him one half times. He got half killed. Half destroyed. Half dead. You get it. He almost died. But he didn't! Oh no, what happened to Thor was much worse. Heh heh.


	2. Chapter 2

Thor woke up three days later feeling different then he had ever felt before. Very, _very_ different. Soft. Weak. Small.

In a panic, he opened his eyes to find the Avengers standing over him with curious expressions on their faces. They looked somehow looked shocked, amazed, and horrified at the same time.

"What's happened?" Thor queried, noticing that his voice sounded different, too. He knew something was extremely wrong when Bruce burst into tears and shouted an apology as he ran out of the room. Tony looked very sad.

"Here," he said, and he handed Thor a mirror.

Thor sat up and took the mirror. The other Avengers heard a small gasp before Thor collapsed.

**. . .**

A few minutes later, Thor sat up in bed and said "Please let that have been a dream."

When he saw his teammates serious faces, he realized otherwise.

"What happened? Tell me!" he shouted.

Tony explained. "You went into Bruce's lab when he was experimenting with gamma radiation. He didn't see you until it was too late. You walked right into it. Thank god you weren't human."

"'Weren't human'?" Thor interrupted. "Of course I wasn't human!"

"I'm sorry," said Tony. "But the gamma radiation affected you strangely because your DNA was so different from ours. It turned you into a mortal. You are now physically equal to a human teenager."


	3. Chapter 3

A week had passed, and Thor still hadn't recovered from the shock. How could he be human? He had never even considered the possibility. He had thought about what dying would be like, yes, but how could anyone ever prepare for this? What will Odin do when he finds out? What if the Avengers need Thor's help defeating an enemy, and he's not there? He can't be there. He's just a weak mortal.

Though he really wasn't. For a human he was actually quite buff. He was tall, and though he didn't have the muscles he used to, in no way was he a wuss. His biceps were large, he had some _very_ nice abdominal muscles, and his chest was to die for. Bruce had examined him, and thankfully, he was not another hulk. His DNA was completely human, and he was about sixteen years old. He no longer spoke weirdly, or with an accent. He still had a very attractive face, with light stubble. He was very ahem, _mature_. Yeah. In conclusion, he was hot.

A few floors down, Tony and Captain America, lets call him Steve, cuz that's his name. Tony and Steve were having a very serious conversation.

"We need to come out," Steve tried to convince Tony. "Thor needs us to adopt him."

"Why?" objected Tony. "Why can't he just stay here?"

"Because he's never going to be an Asgardian again," replied Steve. "He's stuck as a human for the rest of his natural life. He can't just mope around forever. He needs to get his life started, and we have to help him. We are going to adopt him, and then send him to public school."

"But there is still the matter of us coming out. Why do we have to come out? I could just adopt him," said Tony.

"Maybe I want to. I love you, Tony, and I want to be with you forever. Please? Please, can we just admit to everyone that we are gay and in a relationship? They probably know anyway, and they haven't said anything because they don't want to wreck our denial. Please, Tony?" begged Steve.

Tony, for once in his life having no argument, pulled Steve into a kiss and agreed. After some nice agreement sex, they sent text messages to all the other Avengers telling them what was going on. Bruce thought he needed to talk to them in person, so he went to Tony's rooms and barged in without knocking. He was greeted by the sight of Tony and Steve having sex again, and he ran out of the room screaming about his eyes.


End file.
